Aadrita Chatterji

How many of us women remember the walk of shame to the medical store?

When we turned twelve, our mothers finally had ‘the talk’. The awkward conversation about changing bodies, how we were now young women, and, of course, periods. In India, menstruation is commonly called mahina chal raha hai (the month is running), tabiyat kharab hai (feeling unwell), and date aa gayi (the date has come). When the writer was in university, her classmate told her it was her ‘happy birthday’ that day. Unknowingly, she wished her, not knowing that it was a euphemism for her friend’s maasik dharm (‘monthly ritual’ in Hindi), or menstruation. It was 2018, less than ten years ago.

The Practice, Language, The Behaviour Around Menstruation

First, let us talk about the word itself. Menstruation. Periods. Menses. The writer asks, why do we use code language to say we’re bleeding? What do Shark Week and Aunt Flo even mean? Menstruation is a natural and healthy part of life, and our male family members should know what’s happening. They should know it’s not dirty, shameful or embarrassing. The writer remembers how a friend asked her to take birth control before her wedding to delay her periods, if they happen at that time. She refused outright and was deeply indignant about the suggestion. What the hell.

Periods have traditionally been celebrated, such as during the Indian festivals of Raja Parba, Keddasa and Ambubachi Mela. Some Indian states also hold ‘first-period ceremonies’ for young girls, where entire families come together to congratulate them on their first step to womanhood. When treating periods as festivals has been a part of India, why do families force the same women to stay away from the temple, not participating in religious festivals and not speaking to male relatives? Such rules are never enforced in educated families, but they somehow remain unquestioned.

Urban Life As An Illusion Of Modernity

Of course, life has changed since our grandmother’s days. Today, we have the internet, instant delivery options and hopefully, awareness. In those days, women had to sleep in separate areas, sometimes in an outhouse with separate utensils. Having grown up in a progressive urban family, the writer has not faced such things. Women talk about their menses with male friends, partners, and even their fathers and brothers. However, this is still seen with wonder, or even disgust. Even today, shopkeepers pack sanitary napkins in a discreet, opaque, dark polythene bag and hand them under the counter.

While the professional world is expected to be more knowledgeable about women’s health, it remains a second priority. Menstrual leave exists, but women remain hesitant to ask their supervisors in fear of being called weak or unreliable. This, in turn, teaches college girls to bottle up their pain, discomfort and the fear of staining as they attend classes. Even today, corporate cultures don’t always understand or support women facing very debilitating menstrual conditions like endometriosis, adenomyosis and uterine fibroids. Despite wellness policies, the mindset itself needs to change.

Our Change Begins From The Grandmother, The Mother, The Aunt

The reasoning is simple: women make progress in what we know and how we talk about menstruation. Of course, the first step is to say it as it is. It is not “I feel unwell.” It is “I have severe menstrual cramps; I’ll work from home today.” When the writer was twelve herself, she was handed the same dos and don’ts to follow. One of them was not to touch the temple instruments. She followed it for the next few years, till one day she walked into a temple while on her period. And nothing happened. No skies crashed down. No earth split up into two. Everything was… normal.

As future parents, it is our responsibility to prepare boys and girls to treat menstruation as a regular part of life. It is uncomfortable, messy and inconvenient, but it allows women to create life. Include your sons in the conversations. Encourage shopkeepers to sell sanitary napkins openly. Sit with your daughter and make an emergency period kit for her to take to school, activity classes, and tuitions. Watch movies and web series that show menstruation but with clarity, positivity and sensitivity. Always be open to questions, confusion and more questions.

Though women’s health is more discussed today, we demand more progressive conversations, policies and mindsets. It is not enough for us to order feminine hygiene products, chamomile tea and heating pads on delivery platforms. We want people to understand the need behind it. We don’t want people who think women can control the date and intensity of their periods, especially on their wedding days. We want men who are kind, patient and understanding of their wives. We want women who consider themselves pure, respectable and holy as they were before they got their menses.

As they say, menstruation is the only bloodshed without violence.